Choosing Peace This Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving often brings a mix of emotions. For some, it’s a day of warmth and joy, surrounded by loved ones and delicious food. For others, it can be a source of stress, anxiety, or even dread. Maybe it’s the pressure to host the perfect meal, the tension of unresolved family dynamics, or the bittersweet memories of traditions that no longer feel right. Whatever your experience, the holidays can be a lot to navigate, especially when they involve people or situations that leave you feeling anything but grateful.
As a therapist and someone who has had my fair share of holiday stress, I know this struggle all too well. Growing up, Thanksgiving often felt like a performance, with everyone playing their part but few feeling truly at ease. Over time, I’ve learned some powerful lessons about protecting my peace and redefining what the holidays mean to me.
When Family Doesn’t Feel Like a Hallmark Movie
For a long time, I felt guilty about not wanting to spend Thanksgiving with certain family members. The pressure to maintain traditions—even ones I didn’t enjoy—felt overwhelming. “It’s just one day,” I’d tell myself, trying to muster the enthusiasm. But as the years went on, I started to recognize the toll it took on me: the anxiety leading up to the holiday, the frustration of unresolved family dynamics, and the exhaustion of trying to keep the peace.
One year, I finally hit a breaking point. After weeks of dreading the big family gathering, I decided to do something radical: I skipped it. I didn’t make a big announcement or create drama—I just let my family know I wouldn’t be able to make it that year. Instead, I stayed home, made my own favorite meal, and spent the day in a way that felt restorative rather than draining.
The Power of Setting Boundaries
That decision wasn’t easy. I worried about disappointing my family or being seen as selfish. But when the day came, I felt an incredible sense of relief. For the first time in years, I spent Thanksgiving feeling calm and content.
Since then, I’ve made a conscious effort to approach the holidays differently:
I Set Clear Boundaries.
- Before I commit to anything, I ask myself, “Will this bring me peace or stress?” If it’s the latter, I give myself permission to say no.
I Let Go of Guilt.
- I’ve realized that not every family tradition has to be sacred. It’s okay to outgrow certain rituals or create new ones that better align with where you are in life.
I Choose My Company Carefully.
- If spending Thanksgiving with certain family members feels too toxic or draining, I either limit my time with them or skip the gathering altogether.
I Make My Own Traditions.
- One year, I hosted a “Friendsgiving” with people who genuinely bring me joy. Another year, I volunteered at a local shelter, which was one of the most meaningful Thanksgivings I’ve ever had.
Giving Yourself Permission
If the thought of Thanksgiving fills you with dread rather than gratitude, I want you to know this: You have the right to protect your peace. You’re not obligated to attend every family gathering, especially if it comes at the cost of your mental well-being.
The beauty of being an adult is that you get to decide how you spend your time. If that means skipping the big family dinner and celebrating in your own way, that’s okay. If it means attending but setting boundaries—like leaving early or steering clear of certain conversations—that’s okay too.
This Thanksgiving, I encourage you to ask yourself what truly brings you joy and comfort. And if the answer doesn’t involve your family’s traditional gathering, give yourself permission to choose a different path.
Finding Gratitude in New Choices
Thanksgiving doesn’t have to look like a Hallmark movie to be meaningful. It can be a quiet day spent reflecting on what you’re thankful for. It can be a simple meal with people who uplift you. It can even be a day you dedicate to yourself, recharging and preparing for the season ahead.
Whatever you choose, remember: gratitude begins with taking care of yourself. And sometimes, the best way to honor the holiday is to create the peace you deserve.
From all of us at Paris Counseling, we wish you a Thanksgiving filled with joy, reflection, and the courage to choose what’s best for you